Laughing Machine
by Kottdjur
Summary: I've decided to use this as a place to dump all my one-shots I don't want to use for longer stories. *I like to kill characters, so there will probably be some of that here. I will put a warning in the beginning of each story.*
1. Laughing Machine

"… UNDERSTAND how someone can be so stupid? Dumb, careless, foolish… How could he just _accidently_ remove that code? It was a program! I had-" Dr. Gromov interrupted ANNET's upset ranting.  
>"Annie…"<br>"What?" Her circuits were crackling with anger.  
>"You do remember that you are talking about a program that counts from one to ten?" He fought the urge to smile, but that didn't fool ANNET.<br>"What's so funny? That program was IMPORTANT!" She yelled.  
>Dr. Gromov burst out laughing. ANNET looked at him with discontentment as he sat on the floor, writhing with laughter.<br>She thought about it and admitted that it might not be that important after all. Maybe it was a little funny that she cared so much. "Okay, maybe it was a little funny." She said.  
>Gromov continued laughing but managed to get a hold of himself eventually.<br>"Hey, Annie, I just thought of something." He said.  
>"Of what?"<br>"You never laugh. You point out that things are funny, but you've never laughed at something."  
>"No I never do." She had never laughed at anything; the impulse to do so was probably not programmed into her system.<br>"Try."  
>"What?"<br>"Laugh."  
>She quickly designed a laugh that fitted her voice, and tried it. That triggered another laughing attack from Dr. Gromov.<br>"What now?" She asked.  
>"I just… I came to think of that you are a computer, which laughs. The world's first computer with humor." A picture of an old computer, one of those with a big keyboard, which was laughing with a robotic voice, appeared in ANNET's mind. The thought was very entertaining, and made her start giggling. That in turn made Gromov start laughing even more.<p>

It took ten minutes before they both managed to calm down. Dr. Gromov wiped his eyes and stood up.  
>"I have to go Annie, I need to get some sleep." He said.<br>"Yes you do. You will come and talk tomorrow again Alexander, right?"  
>"Of course."<br>Before he disappeared through the safety door he looked back and smiled at ANNET. She thought that it would be nice if she could do the same. Maybe that could be her next upgrade.


	2. The Hell Machine

**2. The Hell Machine**

"Captain, I have found it! I have found a hell machine!" Pilot bounced up and down with excitement.

It had gone five hours since Captain had decided he wanted a "hell machine" and sent Pilot to find one.

"Fantastic, mein minion! What does it look like? Horrible and terrifying, ja?" Captain asked with enthusiasm.

"It has gigantic wheels, and a spinning mouth of knives. And it's red, like your scarf!"

Captain clapped his hands. "A trendy hell machine! I must see it at once. Pilot, show the way. Zee Sniper and Engie must come too."

Snippy and Engie, who had tried to stay in the background to not get pulled in to this, shared a look of silent understanding before they followed Captain. It was almost dark outside, and neither of them liked to be trapped outside in the open when the sun went down.

Pilot led them on a troublesome route between the ruined houses. After twenty minutes or so of walking and climbing obstacles in silence, except for Captain's humming, they arrived at a small shack. It seemed to be awkwardly squeezed in between two slightly tilted skyscrapers.

With a dramatic gesture Pilot swung open the double doors and took a step aside.

"Ta daa!" he said and pointed towards a device leaning against the back wall.

It was quite dark now, so it was hard to make out any details. The machine seemed to have two long legs that looked too thin to support what appeared to be its head. The head consisted of two wheels, one on each side of the legs, and between them a spool made of slightly bent, sharp-looking, metal blades. It had probably been painted in a red colour once, but now most of it had came off to show the rusted metal beneath.

"It's perfect!" Captain exclaimed and went to take a closer look. As he turned one of the wheels the metal blades spun with a grating noise.

"What on earth is that?" Snippy asked.

"It's a hell machine, of course!" Pilot answered gleefully.

"Sure, but I mean… What is it _really_?"

Snippy started counting things he thought it could be used for, but when he came to "torture device" Engie couldn't hold it anymore and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Snippy asked, confused.

"It's a lawn mower!"

The confused look on the sniper's face, accentuated by the flaps on his goggles, was almost enough to make Engie crack up again.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?" Snippy asked. He was slightly irritated that the engineer had laughed at him.

"Well, I thought you did. It's used to cut grass."

"Why would you want to do that? I thought grass was very rare."

"I guess it's from the time when people had gardens and stuff. It's actually a pretty smart invention, we learned about it in engineering history. Didn't you read that in school?"

"Yeah right. And I bet you took every class you could, Mr. Smartass," he snapped at Gromov. "How are you even supposed to use it? It doesn't look very practical."

"It's upside down, stupid."

Snippy was just about to smack Engie in the back of his head when Captain decided to intervene.

"Vhat did you say this machine was, my Engineer? A lawn mover?"

"A lawn mower. Not mover." Engie corrected him.

"That's what I said. Now tell me, what is a lawn and where can we find one?"

"It's like a big patch of grass. And we can't find one because there is no-"

"Great! Engie, I want you to find me a lawn to move. I'm sure it's a fun activity."

"But-"

"No butts! Bring me a lawn, it needs to be moved!"

Now it was Snippy's turn to chuckle at Engie as he fought to come up with a way to get out of this impossible task.


	3. Shot

**3. Shot (Character death!)**

Snippy ran, as fast as he could. Only a few more meters and he would be safe. The thick metal door would slam shut behind him, and the attackers would be locked out.

Just a few steps left.

Suddenly, a shot. The enemy sniper had arrived at its position in time, put up the rifle and with professional precision aimed and shot in a matter of seconds.

The bullet went straight through Snippy's chest. His next step was a bit unbalanced, but he made it through the safe door which closed behind him with a loud clang. He stumbled to a stop, his legs barely managing to keep him standing.

Captain, with the heart crowned mug in his hand, watched in silence.

Snippy stood up straight for a few seconds. He clasped at his chest, blood welling up beneath his fingers and dripping down on the floor.

Then he fell forward, first landing on his knees and then flat on the floor.

The room went completely silent.

Captain dropped his mug. With a cracking sound it shattered into a million pieces, the read heart scattering all over the floor along with steaming tea.

_This was not happening. This could not happen._

Was it tears welling up in his eyes?

Captain knelt down next to his Sniper. He was lying in a puddle of blood, unmoving, head tilted slightly to the side. Captain reached out and removed Snippy's mask and goggles. Hes hands were trembling with fear for what he already knew, but didn't want to believe.

Snippy's face was frozen in an expression of surprise and fear, his sky blue eyes wide open.

Captain shakily waved his hand in front of those eyes, in an attempt to trigger some sort of reaction. When it didn't work he leaned in close and listened for breathing. None could be heard.

Snippy was dead. Gone. Forever.

Tears were now pouring from captain eyes, soaking the cloth behind his mask and binocular goggles. He had never so much as considered the possibility that something like this could happen, especially not in his presence. Especially not to Snippy.

All the feeling welling up inside him were so unfamiliar and confusing. Fear, sorrow, shock. He could name them all, but he'd never thought they would be so powerful.

He scooted away from Snippy's body until he felt the hard metal wall pressing against his back.

"Joy" was the feeling he was used to, what he had expected when Snippy darted through the door to greet him. He had planned to give him a comradely hug, tell him about his newest invention, listen to Snippy's comments about it, and then they would share a delicious meal together. Instead the whole world had turned inside out and upside down.

He took a moment to listen to his own shaky breathing. His inability to control his own breaths could have amused him on a different day, but now it scared him. It was obvious that without his best minion he couldn't even function properly. He brought his legs closer, rested his head in his folded arms. This would be the end of him, he would be stuck in this room with the dead body of his other half until the rest of him withered away.


End file.
